Romeo And…

2.12: Be Careful What You Wish For, Lest it be Tula (Discussion)

I look back at the story from last week, Be Careful What You Wish For, Lest it be Tula, and discuss what was learned from it. I cover a lot of topics in this episode; and I think there are a lot of great highlights for men as well as women. 

The broader concepts I talk about are race and interracial dating, how anxiety brings us to find excuses for our behavior, how we sometimes ignore certain facts about our lives simply because they don't seem fair, and how Tula and I both fell short in pursuing the relationship. I definitely recommend checking out this episode because I hit on a lot of great insights. 

At the top of the show, I talk about the recent announcement made by Playboy about how it will be no longer publishing nude photos. It seems like a huge change for one of the most well known brands in the world, although it may just be a sign of the times. I discuss the current state of the porn industry, how it is changing, and what it could ultimately mean for us as a culture. 


Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari - Amazon - 

Rising Strong by Brene Brown - Amazon - 

Playboy is Doing What?!? - Playboy - 

Nudes Are Old News at Playboy - New York Times - 

Sex Positive and Feminist Friendly Porn - Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health - 

Your Handy Guide to Feminist Porn - Bustle - 

- Sound clips from Game of Thrones courtesy of HBO 

2.11: Be Careful What You Wish For, Lest it be Tula (Story)

Last month, I invited a listener on to the show to share her stories about dating. At one point, she asked me if I had ever been asked out by a woman. I said that I had once, it was awful, and I would share the story on the show. Well, today is the day! 

In "Be Careful What You Wish For, Lest it be Tula," I am accosted by a girl and her friend in middle school who has a crush on me. The whole incident made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, and I learned a lot about myself in the process. I look forward to sharing more of that insight with you next week, when I further analyze the story. 

At the top of the show, I talk a little bit more about what Meghan Fox teaches us in the Transformers movie: That attractive women are not gifted everything in their lives by virtue of being attractive. By insinuating that someone only achieves something based on their looks is essentially a way for you to cope with your own feelings of jealousy or injustice. Don't fall into that trap! 


Rising Strong by Brené Brown - Amazon - 

2.10: Transformers

What does the movie Transformers teach us about masculinity? You might find that there's more in the film than meets the eye... 

In the movie, strong statements are made about what it means to be a teenager in America and what is important to these teenage boys. Namely cars and women.  We also see the pinnacle of manliness in soldiers in the army. It seems that, in order to be a true man, one must join the armed forces and fight for their country. 

Lastly, I take a look at Meghan Fox's character Mikaela. Fox is often criticized as being nothing more than a pretty face in the film, but I argue that perhaps there is a lot we are overlooking in this thinking. 

At the top of the show, I talk about my experience getting confronted by the trolls of GamerGate. Is GamerGate a terrorist organization? Or just a group of guys fighting for more ethical journalism? I share my understanding of the situation. 


- WTF is Wrong with Video Games? - Polygon - 

- Movie dialogue and sound clips from Transformers courtesy of DreamWorks Pictures and Paramount Pictures 

2.09: Our Whole Lives - Interview with Elizabeth Mount

I have a conversation with Our Whole Lives (OWL) educator Elizabeth Mount. OWL is a program for sexual education created by the Unitarian Universalist and United Church of Christ faiths. The program has a curriculum designed for specific age groups to teach about body awareness, dating, consent, and safe sexual practices. I talked briefly about the OWL program on a previous episode of the show, and I wanted to follow up by chatting with someone who teaches the actual curriculum. 

Elizabeth talks about the progression of the OWL curriculum throughout the different age groups, as well as why comprehensive sexual education is important and what we can gain from practicing safe sex and consent. For more about the OWL program, check the references below for links to more information. 

At the top of the show, I talk about men's fashion. The Emmys were last week and every time I see an award show, I am reminded about how little choice men have in terms of fashion compared to women. The fact that men are only allowed to wear suits, ties, and tuxedos is extremely constraining. As a guy, it is nice that you don't have to worry as much as women do about changing fashion trends. However, I know a lot of guys wish they had more freedom of choice without being criticised for their dress at formal events. 


Unitarian Universalist Association OWL Page - Unitarian Universalist Association - 

United Church of Christ OWL Page - United Church of Christ - 

Unitarian Universalist Congregation Locator - Unitarian Universalist Association - 

United Church of Christ Church Locator - United Church of Christ - 

Unitarian Universalist seven principles - Unitarian Universalist Association - 

Amy Poehler's Smart Girls on Twitter - @smrtgrls 

2.08: Post-Story Discussion - Val

In the previous episode, I had a conversation with my guest Val, a bisexual woman, who talked about asking out both men and women. Continuing off of that, I bring up the major points we touched on in the conversation and shed a little more light on them. 

People often say that it is dangerous or uncomfortable for women to approach men and ask them on dates because men could react unpredictably. They could get upset. They might see you has a slut or call you demeaning names. They might talk about you behind your back, or even physically assault you. I definitely agree with all of these points, but when we say this, it seems as though the assumption is that men never experience the same asking out women. But this couldn't be any more false. 

People (both men and women) are unpredictable, so there is really no telling what any one person will do when they are approached for a date. I want there to be an easier and better solution to this problem, but I don't know that there is one; other than just teaching people not to conform to these ideas about gender, and not to be assholes to each other. 

I also talk about what happens when a person is so infatuated by their crush that they can't even speak to them, even when on a date. Spoiler: the relationship is probably not going to work out. 

At the top of the show, I also talk about the MTV Video Music Awards and Miley Cyrus. She has gotten a lot of flack from the media and feminists about how she performs her identity. I play devil's advocate and point out the ways Miley may be even more a feminist for doing what she does. 


- Miley Cyrus - Wikipedia - 

- Sound clip from Dragon Ball Z courtesy of Cartoon Network 

2.07: Guest Story - Val

In this episode I am joined by one of our very own podcast listeners. Val came on the show to share her experience being a bisexual woman dealing with the dating world just as everyone else does. 

Val talks about how she felt men were privileged to be able to ask out women as opposed to waiting to be asked. However, when it came time to ask people out herself, she found it more stressful than she anticipated. Perhaps the grass isn't always greener on the other side. 

We also discuss what happens when women ask out men and how we as a society still tend to think of it as inappropriate. 

At the top of the show I also take some time to discuss the "Dear Fat People" video that has recently gone viral. Do we as a society still view fat and overweight and obese people as lazy, unhealthy, and ill? Fatness isn't always a result of a sedentary or unhealthy lifestyle, nor is it universally seen as problematic or unattractive. So it's not fair to criticize "fat people" as a group. 

Next week I'll be revisiting some of the topics I discussed with Val, so send me your comments and questions and I'll try to hit on them in the next episode. 


The 'Dear Fat People' video is tired, cruel and lazy – but I still fight for the woman who made it - The Guardian - 

2.06: Don Jon

In this episode, I review the indie film Don Jon by Joseph Gordon-Levitt. The film centers around topics of pornorgaphy, masculinity, femininity, and relationships. 

Trigger Warning: I also talk about the situation regarding Conrad Roy III's suicide. Roy was a teenager in Massachusetts who took his own life after his girlfriend urged him to go through with it. The details surrounding the case caused me to get a little passionate, but suicide and mental illness are very sensitive topics for me. You can find more details about the trial in the references below. 

A big topic raised in the episode is the control women have over men in our society. We often think of women as being the "weaker sex," but it is often men who derail their entire lives simply to please women. In Don Jon we see how Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character is strung along by his romantic interest. Is it truly the mark of a "real man" to serve his woman hand over foot? 

I also discuss pornography and porn addiction. Pornography in general is an extremely taboo subject, but mainly because sex in general is seen as taboo. I think if we were to be more open about sex and how we talk about it and learn about it, we can avoid a lot of the problems we run into regarding pornography. 


'It's Now Or Never,' Texted Teen Charged In Boyfriend's Suicide - Huffington Post - 

Michelle Carter texts - Scribd - 

‘It’s now or never': Texts reveal teen’s efforts to pressure boyfriend into suicide - The Washington Post - 

Suicide Facts and Figures - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - 

Our Whole Lives reference page - Unitarian Universalist Association - 

- Movie dialogue and sound clips from Don Jon courtesy of Relativity Media 

2.05: Q&A - Why Do Men Hate Feminists?

In this episode, I'm doing a new segment where I take the time to answer some of your pressing questions about masculinity. Be sure to send me an email or leave me a voicemail to have your questions featured on the next Q&A episode. 

The questions I answer this episode where inspired by the workshop I led last week about present day masculinity. They include "Why is Feminism a dirty word?" "Why do Feminists hate Men's Rights Activists?" and "How do you respond to Feminists who try to shut down your arguments?" 

Additionally, I take some time to talk about the recent addition of a woman to the League of Legends Championship Series. I apologise in advance for geeking out about League of Legends again, but I feel it is a milestone worth noting. 

Any questions about the topics I bring up in this episode? Questions about Men's Rights Activism? Questions about Feminism? Questions about Remilia or the Renegades League of Legends team? Or just questions about masculinity in general? Leave me a comment or send an email, and I might share my answer on the podcast. 


The League Of Legends Championship Series Has Its First Woman Player - Kotaku - 

Remilia's post-win statement - Reddit - 

Why Are You So Angry? by Innuendo Studios - YouTube - 

2.04: The Dating Lottery

Mansplaining with Street Saint 

In this episode, I discuss dating and give some tips for how to improve your chances of finding a compatible partner (especially for Nice Guys). Nice Guys, or more shy and introverted men, tend to struggle with dating especially since they are expected to take charge when they tend to avoid doing so in almost every other aspect of their lives. 

Unfortunately, since we can't change our whole society's biases on gender roles immediately, I offer some tips to help you get what you want out of relationships. I compare dating to a lottery where your goal is to spend as little money as possible in order to gain the largest payout. 

In the dating lottery, the lottery tickets are the people you want to date. The money you spend is your own psychological, emotional, and financial investment. And the payoff is intimacy, love, and sex. 

I list 3 options for making this dating lottery less stressful and more worthwhile: 

A. Improve your odds of winning 

B. Spend less resources 

C. Give up gambling 

In the podcast I talk through each option and how you might use them to better your quality of life. It is up to you to determine what combination of these three options you need. 

Let me know in the comments below if you found this breakdown helpful and what options you will use (A, B, and/or C) to improve your dating life. 

Prior to my "mansplaination," I talk about "Rowdy" Ronda Rousey's impressive MMA fighting record as well as her rivalry with Floyd Mayweather. I pose the question of why we still think it's important to segregate male and female sports. 


Ronda Rousey profile - ESPN - 

Sadly Mayweather beats domestic abuse history, too - Houston Chronicle - 

Floyd Mayweather Has A Cowardly Response To Ronda Rousey's Domestic Violence Dig - Huffington Post - 

Ronda Rousey: I can beat Floyd Mayweather in ‘no rules’ fight - MSNBC - 

2.03: My Romantic Panic Attack (Discussion)

Continuing from the previous episode, I discuss Lindsey - My Romantic Panic Attack and how the events impacted my life. 

First off, I talk a bit about consent and how our society tends to overlook it. Consent is vitally important for relationships to work well, but we tend to instead favor subtlety and mystery. Without an open line of communication between partners, relationships are at risk of falling apart. In the worst cases, relationships can become either physically or emotionally abusive. Are you doing your part to ensure you are using consent in your relationships? 

In the story discussion I detail what lead up to me having my breakdown over Lindsey. I learned that I had been using Lindsey as a means to get over my own personal demons instead of seeing her as relationship partner. I also talk about how the lack of communication between Lindsey and I caused us to think of our relationship two different ways. Finally, I discuss how my attempts at masculinity and my understanding of what it means to be a man helped to bring about my ultimate panic attack. 

Have you suffered any moderate to severe emotional trauma due to a relationship? How did you cope with it? Let me know in the comment section below. 

Remember if you feel you are suffering from mental illness, I highly recommend finding a therapist, counselor, or good friend you can speak candidly with. Doing so is what helped me through my issues. 


- Movie dialogue and sound clips from The Perks of Being a Wallflower courtesy of Summit Entertainment. 

2.02: My Romantic Panic Attack (Story)

This week I share a story about an especially traumatic relationship I had when I was in college. From now on, story time is going to be a little different on Romeo And.... Previously, I would share a story and then follow it up with my analysis. I'll still be doing that, but now you all have more of a chance to chime in with your own feedback. 

Here's how it's going to work. I'll tell the story one week and then the following week I'll provide my analysis. This way you can share your thoughts and ideas with me here, and I'll have a chance to incorporate your input in my discussion the following week. 

So if you haven't already, listen to the story and be sure to send me all of your feedback. You can also read the text version of the story on my site ( 

Additionally this episode I talk a little about Elliot Rodger. Rodger is notorious for the Isla Vista killings in 2014 when he shot and killed 6 in a murder spree. Elliot Rodger is the worst kind of "Nice Guy." He certainly wasn't a "nice" guy in the sense that he was a good person (him being a murderer). But he was a guy who devoted himself to making women happy, yet failed to get into a relationship. This is what defines the Nice Guy lifestyle. 

Elliot Rodger's story saddens me because his breakdown and subsequent killing spree was completely avoidable. In fact, I believe that Rodger (though a bit socially awkward) could have been a decent, upstanding citizen. Unfortunately, he was convinced that men and women are and should act a certain way and this false sense of reality drove him insane. It drove him to the point that he sought revenge for being lied to. If we do better to educate our boys (and girls) as I so tirelessly advocate for us to do, we can prevent these types of mental breakdowns from happening. 

I know this in my heart because I suffered from the same kind of breakdown. Several times. However, I share my worst one in this podcast "My Romantic Panic Attack." 


Do Schools Kill Creativity? TED Talk by Sir Ken Robinson - 

Elliot Rodger Channel on YouTube - 

My Twisted World by Elliot Rodger - 

2014 Isla Vista Killings on Wikipedia -